18 November 2005

Jailbird

I do wonder why I always fall for impossible girls? Just when I was rejoicing over my grand victory over the last suffering and emerged from the ashes I set my foot on quicksilver and trapped in the swamp, again.

Sometimes when I think about it I couldn't help wondering whether it's just being a joke after all. They tried to cheer me up, and well sometimes I do reply with a pretty upbeat tone, but I guess I'm already numbed, it's like I'm being a big old hotel frequented by Frustrations and Frustrations and in the end I was assimilated, resistence is futile. I'm getting used to it, knowing it even before knowing them. It's inevitable. Never give up hope, yeah that's what they say, but they've forgotten something important, that I am me.

I'm always worrying about me losing my sanity to a local girl because then I would be stuck here my whole life because I'm not a man with great convictions, I'm easily distracted and would abandon my dreams and plans just to follow her, just to be with her, to see her smile, to hear her voice, to touch her, to live that infinite moment in the finite. I don't want to be stuck here, I want to see the world with my very eyes with my own power, I need to, I can't be stuck here, I'll die with grieve, I have to go. But I failed in keeping my promise and I felt joy and sorrow and I surrendered and she told me that she already had a boyfriend and I was freed, but I don't know how I feel about that.

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