I've failed in foreseeing the same reaction. I didn't see that her presence would trigger such an inward rage, a rage of not foreseeing the forming of the same result. It's a rage that's hard to explain, whose shape is no easy task to grasp, nevertheless I will try to do so and hopefully in the process would be able to achieve that now sitting alone in the office with the residue of that rage.
It's, what can I say, irrational. It's a mixture of many things, but mostly her constant refusal, her unwillingness to express her thoughts, the lack of information and my nonstop guessing. Among them, I suppose it's the guessing that finally gets to me, it's endless and tiring. And I think I'm finally over quota.
I need a confirmation from her part, yet am unable to do that. Her attitude is ever ambiguous and this ambiguity is making my already troublesome organ even more troublesome. The sad thing is that I can't just go knock on her door and tell her that I want to die because I'm in love with her. But I need her to know that I'm suffering. So I didn't do anything, not the least reaction at all, when she said that her legs were killing her and that she was tired. I didn't do anything, not responding to her question why I was in a bad mood, not greeting her, no smiles, not looking at her, nothing.
Of course I know that this attitude of mine is stupid and won't achieve anything but the contrary, because he who plays it cool to make his world a little colder is a bloody fool. And I'm, most of all, angry at myself for being one, for not being able to care about her when I find myself getting caught by such emotions. The residue is nothing but remorse. It's like setting the hard works of your whole life aflame and see them disappear amongst the dancing flare in front of your very eyes.
What I need now is a truck that goes at 100km/h. One that is overloaded and comes towards me.
It's, what can I say, irrational. It's a mixture of many things, but mostly her constant refusal, her unwillingness to express her thoughts, the lack of information and my nonstop guessing. Among them, I suppose it's the guessing that finally gets to me, it's endless and tiring. And I think I'm finally over quota.
I need a confirmation from her part, yet am unable to do that. Her attitude is ever ambiguous and this ambiguity is making my already troublesome organ even more troublesome. The sad thing is that I can't just go knock on her door and tell her that I want to die because I'm in love with her. But I need her to know that I'm suffering. So I didn't do anything, not the least reaction at all, when she said that her legs were killing her and that she was tired. I didn't do anything, not responding to her question why I was in a bad mood, not greeting her, no smiles, not looking at her, nothing.
Of course I know that this attitude of mine is stupid and won't achieve anything but the contrary, because he who plays it cool to make his world a little colder is a bloody fool. And I'm, most of all, angry at myself for being one, for not being able to care about her when I find myself getting caught by such emotions. The residue is nothing but remorse. It's like setting the hard works of your whole life aflame and see them disappear amongst the dancing flare in front of your very eyes.
What I need now is a truck that goes at 100km/h. One that is overloaded and comes towards me.
2 comments:
it's been a while I haven't come by, well, and wow! an affectional post!
Although I wonder who's the almost-got-killed-by-her-own-legs girl, just curious, you know, not gossipy. But as a female friend(we're friend, isn't it?), I'm here trying to suggest you: be friendly, and go for it.
I don't have a trunk, can't borrow one from nobody. But I do have a motorbike if you need some little help of my 75-km/h.
Besides that, how's going everything?
Miss our chitchat, ain't got one to talk to here.
Take care.
yeah thoroughly affectional. but, well, the episode ends today so this would be the last one as well. at least for a while. guess I kinda screwed it up.
75km/h would do as well, human bodies are quite fragile you know. come hit me any time you want.
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