Well, I just rang earlier to see how was her mom, who had an accident a couple of days ago, some kid on a scotter hit her from behind on the red light, and I was told that she died 2 days ago. Of course, it's not the first time someone died, but the feeling remains weird, gone out of existence just like that. I've been thinking about it again, well, it's always there on my mind, just that recently the frequency of its waves is on the rise.
Prior to the phone call I was on the fifth floor of the library, sitting next to the window with the sun infiltrating through the glass in a luminious yet not intrusive way, it was around a quarter to 4. The place was spacious and warm, it was cozy, my books and papers littered across the round table as I was the only master commanding it.
This question about "what's the point?", as you may very well have noticed in my earlier entries, has been one of the centre of focuses; this futility of being, this if we should return to a state of nothingness, which shouldn't be even called a "state" because being non-existent is not existing at all, is not occupying any unit whatsoever in the universe, is simply not there, and since this supposed "it" is not even there, how shoud "its" state be? to which "it" are we referring to exactly? that which is not there? which is that which? Anyway, it's a sodding dead end, man has been asking this same question since the dawn of History and still he cannot come up with a satisfactory answer, one that puts his mind to rest in peace. He has so far failed in his attempt, it's futile, and not going anywhere but to embitter onself, yes! embitter oneself! Despite the fact that I knew it all along, I didn't quite realized that what I've been doing was assassinating myself!
So with this not so novel realization came two choices, I could either go on like this for the rest of my life, or I could let go and enjoy my life (well, it's not that you can tell from the appearances, but appearances hardly matter). By "let go" of coure I'm not insinuating giving up completely of pondering on it or doing something so totally stupid that puts my very existence on the verge of extinction, on the contrary, I know I'll keep thinking abou it, that is something which is still beyond my power to change, but it should not prevent me from enjoying my life.
Prior to the phone call I was on the fifth floor of the library, sitting next to the window with the sun infiltrating through the glass in a luminious yet not intrusive way, it was around a quarter to 4. The place was spacious and warm, it was cozy, my books and papers littered across the round table as I was the only master commanding it.
This question about "what's the point?", as you may very well have noticed in my earlier entries, has been one of the centre of focuses; this futility of being, this if we should return to a state of nothingness, which shouldn't be even called a "state" because being non-existent is not existing at all, is not occupying any unit whatsoever in the universe, is simply not there, and since this supposed "it" is not even there, how shoud "its" state be? to which "it" are we referring to exactly? that which is not there? which is that which? Anyway, it's a sodding dead end, man has been asking this same question since the dawn of History and still he cannot come up with a satisfactory answer, one that puts his mind to rest in peace. He has so far failed in his attempt, it's futile, and not going anywhere but to embitter onself, yes! embitter oneself! Despite the fact that I knew it all along, I didn't quite realized that what I've been doing was assassinating myself!
So with this not so novel realization came two choices, I could either go on like this for the rest of my life, or I could let go and enjoy my life (well, it's not that you can tell from the appearances, but appearances hardly matter). By "let go" of coure I'm not insinuating giving up completely of pondering on it or doing something so totally stupid that puts my very existence on the verge of extinction, on the contrary, I know I'll keep thinking abou it, that is something which is still beyond my power to change, but it should not prevent me from enjoying my life.
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