11 July 2008

I dreamt about you

And in that dream I held your hands in mine, something's odd about you though, probably it was the hair, they were shorter I suppose. We were good and happy, it was sweet. However, despite that I was holding your hands you didn't seem to quite realize how I felt towards you, you treated me just as a good friend. Coincidently, that was how I believed I'd felt about you too, just a good friend, but the great frequency of you popping into my thoughts and the yearning to touch you told me otherwise, which troubles me a lot because your boyfriend is also my friend, and being true to friends, I'm thus prohibited from doing certain things which spell disloyalty.

Then, as if something suddenly hit you, you withdrew your hands slowly and consequently the distance between us grew, both physically and mentally, you became a stranger to me. I didn't know you anymore. I watched you keeping your distance without looking at you. God. Then I woke up, and I couldn't get that haunting image out of my head. It's too hard to tell, I don't know how to interpret your actions and words, if you were single I would have no doubt in my mind that you loved me. But I suppose much guessing is useless now as I'm leaving this place on Sunday, and then on a jet plane next year.

And then you will also graduate and go your own way. For the time being, I don't see that our path will cross, we don't even live in the same town. What makes this time around tough is that you know something about me that others don't, and most importanly, you are you, you critize when you want to critize, you show your love towards the animals with your big mouth and actions when you truely felt it regardless of how others would think about you. You are you, genuine, in my view. You don't wear fancy dress or high heels just because people think it's prettier or sexier that way, you don't put on something that makes you uncomfortable. There were times that you made me angry, but you bowed down and apologized. Then, unlike my usual self, I told you what was it you said or did that made me angry. But when I saw you cry, I felt horrible. And I knew at that moment that my suffering was just about to begin for my feeling towards you was clear and unquestionable.

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