The Color of Desire. The Color of Despair

They say it will make you go crazy, some say it's pathological, and you know that waiting is difficult. It is difficult because your appetites are ripped away while you could eat a horde of horses. You couldn't concentrate because your concentration is fixed solely on one spot which could be the cellphone, the email, the live messenger or the slightest movement of the wind.

One trait of this color is the immediate regret following the dispatch of a text message, an email, a line of conversation, thinking oh I shouldn't have said that, wondering what you're going to reply, what you're going to reply, awaiting eagerly yet afriad to see the words emerging from the other end of the line, from which jubilation or lament springs.

The whole spectrum of colors could be encapsulated into one single minute, although the sequence is ever-changing, it is predictable. The tension is high enough that the earth feels the tremble of your heart even at the notion of calling her. The mood of the day depends heavily on whether her showing up or not, whether she was looking at your direction or just walk past without turning her head, and were you the one her stealthy glance longed to see?

Your unwanted sensitivity is multiplied by a million, and it's draining you of all energy. You are excessively tired, and are made even more so by the fact that you can't make that information public to her. You wish that you were dead. First ecstasy and then downfall, and you need more afterward. The green-eyed monster puts you down in its register book. Her careless words and indifferent attitudes sting like hell, encompassing and devouring you like hungry infernal flames, and you want to scream and smash your head against the wall because that's the natural reaction when one was burnt alive - to scream.