Finished the paper on One Hundred Years of Solitude last night before I went out with some friends to celebrate the new year, good, only two more to go and nine days left till the deadline. This has somehow become an established semestral event, working against the clock, oh well, guess I just like the adrenaline rush, the sportive element, gives me some direly needed excitement.
Despite the fact that I'm having a minor academic crisis here, I'm feeling not that bad because she tortures me no more. I don't like the way she acts as if nothing had happened and I'm so tired of waiting for an answer, it's very simple, yes or no, clear things up then we can all move on. Far more superior than having it suspended there and giving someone a hard time. When I looked at pictures of smiling faces of her and my uni classmates I suddenly was enlightened and realized that we lived in totally different worlds and at that moment doubt emerged, I wasn't so sure whether hers was the one for me. As a matter of fact, none of my friends my age here lives in my world and vice versa, I simply can't lead a life the way they do, makes no sense to me. I don't actually feel anything when I'm among my friends, it bores me to be honest. Don't know, just don't feel anything, different perspective on life I suppose. Hope that it doesn't make me one of the Buendías. So then I had no doubt. I'm not here to stay. They were not and are not part of my life. It's not that pleasant thinking about it, that I've wasted a good part of my life in nothing, but well, at least I've figured that out, at least I know what I don't want.
Well, that explains why I'm always by myself. It becomes a habit which is probably not that healthy, but don't have a solution to that yet.
Despite the fact that I'm having a minor academic crisis here, I'm feeling not that bad because she tortures me no more. I don't like the way she acts as if nothing had happened and I'm so tired of waiting for an answer, it's very simple, yes or no, clear things up then we can all move on. Far more superior than having it suspended there and giving someone a hard time. When I looked at pictures of smiling faces of her and my uni classmates I suddenly was enlightened and realized that we lived in totally different worlds and at that moment doubt emerged, I wasn't so sure whether hers was the one for me. As a matter of fact, none of my friends my age here lives in my world and vice versa, I simply can't lead a life the way they do, makes no sense to me. I don't actually feel anything when I'm among my friends, it bores me to be honest. Don't know, just don't feel anything, different perspective on life I suppose. Hope that it doesn't make me one of the Buendías. So then I had no doubt. I'm not here to stay. They were not and are not part of my life. It's not that pleasant thinking about it, that I've wasted a good part of my life in nothing, but well, at least I've figured that out, at least I know what I don't want.
Well, that explains why I'm always by myself. It becomes a habit which is probably not that healthy, but don't have a solution to that yet.
2 comments:
This is spooky Schuma, and I don't think I understand it. If you find something you enjoy doing, isn't it either as enjoyable or moreso doing it with friends?
Alone time is great, but too much of it and you lose the ability to interact with others on a meaningful level.
Good luck with your papers!
Thanks! I am currently working on Don Quijote and some some greek ideas on anguish.
Kevin you're right about the alone for too long is not that well thing, but the thing is no one I know around here shares my interests, they think mines are boring. And I don't want to spend most of my time in watching tv, following news of the stars and playing playstation because doing that makes me feel bad.
But, well, I do hang out with people in certain occassions, just that I allocate more time to be with myself, I like it, to be among books and my stiff, but still, it would be great if I knew someone who appreciates that. Guess one just have to keep the eyes open.
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